Yesterday, I was scrolling through Instagram when a random Reel made me stop. It was a guy walking down the street, talking to the camera. I don't remember who he was, but I remember more or less what he said.
He started talking about something the Roman philosopher Seneca wrote nearly 2,000 years ago. It was about two things that cause us unnecessary suffering: our memories of a painful past and our fears of what might happen in the future.
I stopped to think about it because it described something I've struggled with for years. It's also something I've been making a real effort to change.
Living everywhere except the present
I've spent a lot of my life thinking about things that already happened. Mistakes I made, opportunities I missed, and conversations I wish I'd handled differently. Sometimes I catch myself replaying those moments, over and over, even though there's nothing I can do to change them.
Then there's the other side of it: worrying about things that haven't happened yet.
What if something goes wrong?
What if I fail?
What if things don't get better?
Before I know it, I’ve spent a good part of my day worrying about problems that might never even happen.
It's exhausting! Especially when you start treating the worst possible outcome like it's already a reality.
I became especially aware of this earlier this year when I was going through a serious health crisis. There were moments when my thoughts kept going back to what had happened or jumping ahead to everything that might go wrong. I was spending so much time thinking about the past and future that I was having a hard time being present in my own life.
One of the things that helped me through that period was learning to bring my attention back to what was actually happening in the moment. It didn't mean pretending everything was fine or ignoring my health. I still had real problems to address. But I started recognizing when my mind was creating more fear than the situation in front of me required.
I became more intentional about slowing down, being patient, and appreciating small moments again… in sum, just feeling grateful for my life. Over time, this change in perspective made a meaningful difference in how I experienced those difficult days.
And it reminded me of something I hadn't thought about in a long time.
Remember when we were kids?
I remember growing up and playing with my brothers and my cousins. We could spend hours together without worrying about what happened last week or what might happen next month. We were too busy playing, laughing, and enjoying whatever we were doing.
Of course, life gets more complicated as we get older. We have responsibilities, bills, health concerns, relationships, and real problems that deserve our attention. I'm not suggesting we ignore those things or pretend life should always feel as simple as childhood.
But I do wonder how much joy we lose because we're rarely fully present anymore.
We're always thinking about the next thing we need to do, replaying a conversation that didn't go well, or worrying about something that hasn't happened. Then we pick up our phones and get another stream of bad news, arguments, and reasons to feel anxious about the world.
Sometimes it feels like we've forgotten how to enjoy an ordinary moment without needing to be somewhere else mentally.
Fear the right things
This experience connects to one of the principles behind this newsletter: Fear the Right Things.
I've come to believe we spend too much time fearing things that might never happen while overlooking the consequences of the choices we're making today. We worry about rejection, failure, embarrassment, and uncertainty. Meanwhile, those fears sometimes keep us from pursuing relationships, having important conversations, or experiencing things that could make our lives more meaningful.
The irony is that we're often so afraid of what might go wrong tomorrow that we miss what's good about today.
I'm not saying we should forget our past or stop preparing for the future. Our experiences teach us valuable lessons, and planning ahead is part of being responsible. There are also very real risks that deserve our attention.
But there's a difference between learning from yesterday and continuing to live in it. There's also a difference between preparing for tomorrow and spending every day afraid of it.
Your past deserves reflection. Your future deserves preparation. But your present deserves your attention.
That's a principle I've been trying to put into practice more consistently, and it's already changed how I approach difficult moments.
Two elements must therefore be rooted out once for all, the fear of future suffering, and the recollection of past suffering.
Something to Try Today
The next time you catch yourself replaying an old regret or worrying about something that hasn't happened, try asking yourself three questions.
1. Am I thinking about something that happened, something that might happen, or something happening right now?
Before trying to change anything, take a moment to notice where your attention has gone. Sometimes recognizing the pattern is enough to help you interrupt it.
2. Is there anything useful I need to do about it today?
Maybe there's a lesson to learn, an appointment to make, or a conversation you've been avoiding. If there's something reasonable you need to address, identify the next step. If there isn't, recognize that replaying the situation over and over isn't necessarily helping you.
3. What deserves my attention right now?
Maybe it's the person sitting next to you, a conversation you've been half-listening to, or a few quiet minutes outside without your phone. It doesn't need to be anything extraordinary. The point is to reconnect with whatever is happening in front of you.
You don't have to solve every problem in your life before you're allowed to enjoy a moment of it. That's something I'm still learning, and I suspect I'm not the only one.
Until next Thursday,
Peter Sanchez
Fear the Right Things. Live Now. Regret Less.
P.S. I'm curious… Do you struggle more with replaying things from your past or worrying about what might happen in the future?
Hit reply (or comment below on the web) and let me know. I'd genuinely like to hear your perspective, especially as I start sharing more of these lessons every Thursday.
