You’re letting your past and future steal your present

A few days ago, I came across something Seneca wrote almost 2,000 years ago that really got me thinking about how much time we spend regretting the past and dooming about the future.

In one of his letters, Seneca wrote:

Two elements must therefore be rooted out once for all — the fear of future suffering, and the recollection of past suffering; since the latter no longer concerns me, and the former concerns me not yet.

I think it’s interesting how little has changed since then.

It seems we spend waste so much time replaying our mistakes, wishing we’d made different decisions or handled certain situations better. We think about relationships that didn’t work out (especially romantic ones), opportunities we missed (especially financial ones), and conversations we wish we could have again. Sometimes we hold on to those memories for years… in many cases, decades… even though there’s nothing we could do to change what happened.

Then there’s the future. We worry about failing, being rejected, making the wrong decisions, or things not working out the way we had hoped for. We imagine the worst possible outcomes and sometimes start treating them like they’re inevitable. I get it, our brains are designed to protect us, and anticipating the worse-case scenario is a survival mechanism. Meanwhile, life is happening right in front of us.

I’m not saying we should ignore our past or stop thinking about our future, but we do need to learn from our mistakes, take responsibility for our decisions, and prepare for real challenges in our lives. There’s a difference between reflecting on something and allowing it to consume your thoughts entirely.

I turned 40 this year, and one thing I’ve started to realize is how easy it is to lose years worrying about things we have little-to-no control over. Some of those worries are understandable, but others are fears… monsters… we’ve created in our own minds. When we’re constantly thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, we miss opportunities to appreciate what Dr. Joe Dispenza refers to as “the sweet spot of the generous present moment”.

That’s why I’ve become so interested in the idea of fearing the right things. Instead of giving so much attention to what might go wrong, maybe we should give more thought to what we’re missing out on while we’re busy ruminating in our heads.

There’s nothing wrong with reflecting on your past or planning for the future, but neither should consume so much of your attention that you forget to live in the present.

Lastly, I came across this saying online that sums it up perfectly, and wanted to share it:

Your past deserves reflection, your future deserves preparation, but your present deserves your attention.

I’ll leave you with this question: what’s one thing you could do today that your future self would thank you for?

Till next time.

-Peter Sanchez

P.S. I wrote more about this topic on my recent newsletter if you’re interested.